When I was pregnant, I remember scouring the internet and every mom I knew for exactly what I needed when the baby came. My husband loved the day we spent six hours in Buy Buy Baby trying to pick a stroller(it’s a wonder we are still married! Also, we went with the Bugaboo Bee, but it was a close call!).   Everyone who has been through it tells you you MUST have this or that. During pregnancy, I polled all moms and everyone had a different answer – you must have this swing/we hated that/you must use these bottles/my baby wouldn’t take them/we could not live without this swaddle/my baby hates being swaddled….

So I had the baby gear and the nursery set and ready to go….

      

If you ask the hospital, they tell you “diapers and your boobs/bottles and/or formula are all you need” I know this because at 33 weeks I had a Placental Abruption. (also rare – man, I’m killing it with rare medical things so far!).

But having the gear, the registry, the expensive baby swing, somehow makes you feel mentally prepared when you know deep down you’ll never be completely prepared for parenthood.  When I was hospitalized for five days, post abruption, I was terrified, but baby and I were both okay.  I missed my baby shower(well it got moved to a lovely, festive hospital community room – it didn’t matter though, I was surrounded by friends, family, and cupcakes, nonetheless).  I spent the rest of my pregnancy(out of the hospital) going for a zillion tests and just counting down until full term. During this time, I obsessively chose MORE baby gear, finished putting the nursery together, and had everything set.  It made me feel like I had control. And it seems, I did. At 37 weeks and 5 days, January 5, the day after we put the crib together, and the finishing touches on her room, my daughter decided to make her appearance.  She was expectedly small, but even smaller than expected at 4lbs 2 1/4 oz.  So she spent five days in the NICU.  Goes to show you, you can’t really prepare.  I had everything with me for the birth at the hospital, except what I needed most – my pump and clothes to fit a teeeeeeny teeeny baby(husband went to get them, don’t worry!)  Everything was set up at home…but for a much larger infant, so we couldn’t use half of it for quite some time. But when we returned home, even though my little girl wouldn’t use half of this gear at first, or refused to use it at all, or even sleep in her room for 5 months, it was still comforting to have.  Even though, my daughter refused to be put down in anything she had to be strapped into, I still had everything just in case one day she changed her mind(she didn’t.)   If you’re wondering our must haves were the Fisher Price Rock N Play, a good carrier (my favorites were the Baby Ktan, Baby Hawk, and Becco Gemini), and a co sleeper for next to the bed.

But seriously, baby wearing FTW……(something I actually didn’t plan on or research AT ALL!) But I needed to do dishes, fold laundry, and record a voice over or two.

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The gear that I barely used, I sold or gave away, but again it felt so good to have when I may have needed them.

My mastectomy preparation feels a lot like this.  I’ve polled those who have been through it and those who know those who have gone through it. I’ve asked on FB boards and read a zillion other blogs. So, I created an amazon wishlist and started ordering what I felt I needed.( Since you can’t just wish for new boobs to appear over night…thanks, amazon!)  Spoiler Alert: this was not as fun a “registry” to create as the one I made for my daughter, looking at tiny socks, books, and lovies…that wassn’t quite real yet either, I was still a little scared, but it was way more exciting than this! Anyway, as with that registry, I have a feeling, half of it may not be necessary, BUT what if it is!? WHAT IF I NEED THE SPECIAL MASTECTOMY ROBE WITH SPECIAL POCKETS AND AMAZON TWO DAY DELIVERY ISN’T FAST ENOUGH?! Recovery ruined!!!!

But really – it’s all about feeling in control.  Feeling prepared for what is inevitably impossible to prepare for.  I know people who train for this surgery to strengthen their abs. 10005 Burpees a day!  People who rent medical gear, I mean a recliner does sound lovely.  So…I’m trying to tow the line between being prepared but not staring at piles of mastectomy gear.  And guess what, I’m staring at a pile of mastectomy gear as we speak. And I still feel anxious but also prepared.

Much like the hospital saying “all you need are diapers and a way to feed the baby,” my boob docs tell me that I don’t really need anything.  The hospital will supply a bra…or two… and I’ll get pain meds (well I DAMN WELL BETTER!)  Much with pregnancy, I plan to take everything from the room that isn’t nailed down to use during my recovery. (do this when you have a baby, if you haven’t yet – I’m telling you those mesh cotton underwear are SO comfortable, and we still use the thermometer and disposable wash cloths…..)

So let’s see what I have so far. I can’t wait to report back and tell you what I actually used….

I’m told the Mastectomy Pillow by Pink Pepper Co.  is a must have (I got the super hero one) – Projected use will be to protect my chest when lying down, or when in a car with a seatbelt. Plus how badass is it?

Super sexy Mastectomy shirts, also from Pink Pepper Co – with drain pockets (apparently I’ll have these drains,  Jackson-Pratt Drainage System to be exact – I know you were wondering the real name – coming out of me oozing whatever it is they ooze for 7-14 days)…..so it’s not really great to have them just dangle….ouch.

Pregnancy pillow. Way nicer than the one I had when I was pregnant.  I’m a stomach sleeper, and through most of this I’ll have to sleep on my back. MUST BUILD FORTRESS TO NOT ROLL OVER.  Be it on the couch or the bed.

Satin Pajamas…sooooo luxurious.  Apparently the trick with these is they help you literally slide out of bed when you only have your lower body strength to use.

Unicorn Husband Pillow…. It makes me smile… and I feel like I’ll want to spend time upright, be it in bed or on the couch.  Also it’s so cute.

Axilla·pilla® – 2 of them.  This was one of those across the board must haves.  So i MUST HAVE IT.

Neck Pillow – See now, I just really have no idea HOW i’m going to sleep on my back, so we’re still really building that fortress of every kind of support pillow ever! It’s kind of making me feel, well, supported.

STRAWS! And don’t worry, I know we have a plastic straw crises, so I went with these.  This is something you would never think about – but I can see how extremely necessary they will be!

Oh! I almost forgot to mention this guy. A friend of mine shared this on facebook, and I knew I needed one. He’s a damnit doll and I can throw him against the wall and slam him around.  Obviously, we’re besties.

Other Items on my list include :

An apron to hold drains, phone, medicine – I have NO idea what my range of motion will be.

A wedge pillow – PILLOW FORTRESS!!!

And shower drain holders.

I’m also treating myself to wireless earbuds, because I’m convinced that my wired headphones will get caught all up in my drains and rip me to shreds…also I want them.

From other blogs I have heard another must have is dry shampoo…. So I’ll be stocking up on that.

And I’m also questioning a shower stool…but that may be an add on if needed.

People have been extremely generous and thoughtful, if you followed my last post, I put up my care/support page and got an incredible number of shares and responses.  It really felt good to be helped and supported!  Some of this I’ve bought, some has been gifted.  Apparently you’re supposed to have a “Ta Ta to your Ta Tas” Party….. I’ve had a few social outings, but haven’t quite called them that. Though one did involve an amazing boob cake from two amazing close friends.  I also have a meal train set up by another amazingly supportive friend.

So I have the gear, I have the support team, I kind of know what to expect but not really…. I have a feeling, I’ll never be quite ready for this endeavor.  This amputation of sorts, well double amputation, with prosthetics….that I did not ask for, nor do I want (though I do want to live!).  But hopefully, I’ll be prepared for a comfortable recovery…. follow along and I’ll keep you posted! I still have just over a month to obsess about all of this and will probably add just about everything on my “maybe list” when I wake up at 3am, needing something to do…but it helps, in a way.  Helps to take my mind off if my old clothes/bathing suits/bras will ever fit again post surgery, when I’ll be able to lift my arms or do things for myself, and exactly how much all of this will hurt mentally, emotionally, and physically.  Or….If I’ll feel like myself when I look in the mirror. Or maybe I’ll have the easiest recovery ever, amazing new tits and be back on my feet in no time… and barely need any of this… but as I mentioned before.  Expect the worst, hope for the best is my way.  The pessimistic optimist.  So I’m gearing up…….

It helps me take control over the mutation of a gene, which I have zero control over.