Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE to shop. I love scoring a discount on clothes, an impulse buy of jewelry, an insomniac Amazon purchase I barely remember, or a great score at a sample sale(Jimmy Choo and Hanky Panky we’re both amazing this year!)
But, “shopping” for new boobs was never something I thought would be on the agenda of my life. Well, it is, it was, and I did it!
I am about 6 weeks out from Surgery Phase 1, the removal of my breast tissue and the insertion of those really awesome heavy as shit, giant elephant sitting on my chest tissue expanders. No, I love them, I really do… so does the cow skin that has now merged with my own holding them up.
I’m a week away from Surgery Phase 2, the removal of aforementioned expanders (woohoo!!!!!!) and the replacement of them with permanent gel silicone implants. It’s not really as simple to say “hey, Dr. Miracle Worker, make me exactly the way I was before all of this….” You have to pick a size(well a range, they aren’t in cup sizes, since everyone is different, they are in CC’s). I’m not great at decisions, usually texting a million photos from a store dressing room or a zillion outfit options before I go out for an evening to several of my friends (thanks, friends!). So I brought awesome husband with me, a few bras and a bikini and we tried to pick a size. You can’t try them on, there’s no dressing room, and apparently the return policy is somewhat difficult(the nerve!.) So you have to get creative. We spent some time alone in the room and my husband said, “yeah, this feels like you”. And the nurse who works with my doctor in is office is just about as amazing and patient as you can get. They recognize these are big decisions and don’t rush things!
If you’re a math person I was a 32 DD before, they like to say each cup size is about 200CC’s but that isn’t exactly right. I’m currently expanded to 650 CC’s which is way too big for me. If I wanted to stay my size according to that, it would be about 850CC’s. Nope. HELLOOOOO, DOLLY!(Speaking of, it’s Halloween, so guess what I’m going as?)
And check out my party trick – I can only do these with the expanders, cause they don’t move! So, clearly I must do it every day until the swap!
Anyway, I’ve had four “fills”, each for a week. I woke up from surgery with 300CC’s, then 150CC’s were added each week for two weeks and 50 for the final week. So I’ve been the inflatable Frankenboob lady, well Frankenboob’s Monster(more accurate to say, less funny). I’ve been 300CC’s, 450C’s, 600CC’s and 650CC’s. I’m much bigger than I was before the surgery. They are immovable bags of saline (they stick out under my armpit – I’m be so happy to see armpit boob go! Hashtag ArmpitBoob.)
So, I rigged my bras and bikini up to a chair, we felt up some Natrelle Gel Round Implants (I trust my doctor, so again, didn’t want to bombard myself with research on which kind/brand/shape/profile I wanted), and we chose. Pretty exciting…and strange!
We chose 520CC’s-ish for now, but ultimately the surgeon will make the final call. They will order several sizes and while I’m sleeping, they try them on me. They sit me up and put them in the pocket and decide which is most aesthetically pleasing (nope not creepy, not creepy at all). Actually, I really hope they play that improv game, where someone is my arms and do a little skit with me….. “yes I’ll have a glass of your finest Barolo, please!” I mean they have to look good when I’m out!
I’m really ready for this next surgery, yes, still major surgery(outpatient, this time but still recovery time and lifting restrictions), there’s still general anesthesia, but I’m less scared about the procedure itself and more nervous/excited to see the permanent result. It’s a much different feeling. It’s nerve-wracking, but you have to trust and no it’s not un-doable, but as my doctor says, we hope for a “home run” on the first try. Also, there that whole money aspect. Then (hopefully) this chapter will be behind me as the new twins fluff and settle (yep that’s a thing) and I get to go on a lingerie shopping spree (which is a little easier than picking out new internal portions of one’s body!). What’s pretty neat is, I get to wear the bras that do ABSOLUTELY nothing.
The ones I could never touch before, since I needed support and if I wore something backless, well that entailed a whole army of help…..
But soon(we hope!) I can wear the just for show ones, with the cute backs, and ZERO support…. if the need to wear one is there at all.
Just a “perk” I suppose!
Bring on the side boob and those backless dresses, Bessie, the new twins, and I will be ready!
Stay tuned……..!